working mama

i've been back at work for about a week and a half. 

the first day was incredibly painful.   i felt physically ill leaving my little one.

did you ever watch a nightmare on elm street, those crazy freddy krueger horror movies?

there's this one scene where he's on one side of the room and his victim is on the other. they're connected because freddy has pulled the tendons of the victim out - you see the victim looking horrified that half his body is stretched to the other side of the room.  that's sort of how i felt on monday.

it got easier every day. it really, really helped that zora was in the completely capable, loving hands of her nana, carol.  and that carol sends me regular text messages throughout the day letting me know what zora is up to.  (i'm not sure how i'm going to survive when she finally goes to daycare.) 

my usual efficient, multi-tasking self has succumbed to fatigue and delirium. i forget my pumped breast milk at work and have to hike up the three flights of stairs to retrieve it. i forget to wear nursing pads and leak all over.  my milk spurts out onto my computer keyboard. i forget words such as bird and bus. the highlight of my work day is seeing how many ounces i was able to pump.  i can't WAIT to get home to give zora a kiss, and could care less about all the work i should stay and finish when the clock says 5pm.

it's funny because my return to work coincided with the return of the mourning doves to the window sill outside my office. mama bird laid two perfectly round, white eggs. i'm waiting for babies birds to appear. stay tuned! i love having a mama buddy right outside my office window!